She has shared the stage with some of the best comedians that comedy has ever had to offer. But before she shared inside jokes with Dave Chappelle, Kevin Hart, and Tiffany Haddish, she had to create jokes for childhood friends just to keep her life. As part of We Own The Laughs.com’s Comedian of the Day, have a few laughs while getting to know comedian Cristina Payne. The Los Angeles, CA native shares with us some of her favorite moments in stand-up comedy and why she owns the laughs.
Name: Cristina Payne
Hometown: Manila, Philippines/San Francisco, CA/Los Angeles, CA (Currently in Washington D.C./New York City, NY)
Instagram/Twitter/Facebook/Snapchat/Tik-Tok: Instagram: @Cristina__Payne Twitter: @CRISTINAEDPAYNE Snapchat: @CPayneShow Tik-Tok: CristinaPayne
Years in Comedy: 6 years
Haven’t we seen you somewhere before: Crack’em Up Thursdays, Shade45 “Sway In The Morning” 1st Annual Comedy Search, FUBU Radio On-Air Personality, Girls Trip (Background), Matrix Reloaded & Revolution (Zion Dancer/Background), and San Francisco Giants Baseball Commercial
Favorite Comedy Album: Redd Foxx “Wash Yo Ass”
Favorite Comedy Special: Dave Chappelle “The Age of Spin” (I helped on the project)
Favorite Comedy Movie: Coming to America
Favorite Comedy TV Show: Martin, Living Single, In Living Color, and The Jefferson
Favorite Comedic Character(s): Martin Payne, Cliff Huxtable, George Jefferson, and Maid Florence
Favorite City to Perform: New York City!
Favorite Topics to Joke About: Interracial Dating & Couples, losing my virginity too soon, being celibate (as a daily goal), crazy relationships (Ex BFs), and being born in Asian/raised in the USA
Favorite Type of Audience for a Comedy Show: The people there for special occasions and don’t take jokes personally & get upset/wanna fight comedian.
Favorite Comedy Club(s): Caroline’s on Broadway, The Comedy Cellar, The Comedy Store, & SF Punchline.
How did you discover your passion for comedy:
I discovered my passion for comedy at a young age, I recorded George Wallace off the radio when I was 9 or 10 yrs old & would always replay it. I would watch BET’s ComicView w/ my parents nightly when the host was DL Hughley. Comedy also became a way of survival in the projects. Talking just enough trash (Snaps/Dozens/YoMama Jokes) about someone & making everyone else laugh could mean you make it home without being jumped/beat up/robbed. You had to show up daily at school with new material or some type of funny jokes to say about your schoolyard bully. The first one to cry or want to fight was the loser. Word of mouth spread fast, that’s how I gained a rep w/o even realizing it (Laughs). That’s where comedy writing begins for a lot of us.
What do you remember most about your first time performing stand-up comedy:
What I remember most about my first time performing stand-up comedy is that it wasn’t planned. I went to show as an audience member to support my old Howard University classmate Seaton Smith. Later, I find out this was Dave Chappelle’s old stomping ground in Washington DC. Everyone who went up said something about me to the point where everyone had questions/wanted to hear my version of the teenage stories Seaton was telling. Comedian Tyler Craig (RIP) tricked me to come up on stage saying “We need a volunteer” so I went on stage, he tossed me the mic and said “Now stay up there! we’re gonna ask you some questions.” (Laughs) I remember the out-of-body experience feeling and said to myself “WOW! they’re really laughing at what I’m saying!” It was weird and such a rush like falling in love. The next 2 times I tried it I accidentally killed it. Never took it seriously until Charlie Murphy tweeted me in Dec. 2014 to come to open up for him at Baltimore Comedy Factory & haven’t stopped since. My 6th year comedy anniversary was Dec 9th 2020.
How would you describe your comedic style:
Very Physical! I tend to see the audience as my students for the day. I’m the cool substitute teacher who will get you to do all your work, while we have fun learning new things. You’ll never forget me and you definitely can’t wait to see me again.
Describe your process for comedic writing:
My process for comedic writing consists of attending the DC comedy writers meeting weekly on Mondays professionally. Personally, I write daily in the morning & throughout the day as “Funny” comes to me randomly in various kinds of ways. Sometimes you get a two-worded phrase, other times you get a slogan or funny saying. People watching, nature, animals, old people, funny friends, and family also help me create/write. My mind needs constant /daily stimulations.
Describe the comedy scene in your area:
The Comedy Scene in the Washington D.C. area has suffered tremendously since COVID.
Outdoor shows and apartment building courtyards have been the new stages and with working in NYC, all comedy/karaoke has been banned indoors so Central Park & other outdoor venues & parking lots have become packed. There’s no place like NYC, you can hit 5-10 stages daily if you really want to do the comedy grind. Washington D.C.’s comedy scene is more political. Too many Indians and not enough chiefs. Sometimes being too funny won’t get you booked. You will learn to produce your own show while grinding in DC. Dave Chappelle said it takes 10,000 hours of stage time to be a real comedian.
How do you judge success in the world of comedy:
I judge success in the world of comedy in many ways now. From Youtube to church shows, you can be successful in many avenues. To me, if you keep going and don’t give up on your dreams, you’ll be successful. Followers on social media mean success to a lot of younger talent. Where having an agent and being booked at the improv is also considered a success. You can do commercial voiceovers, cartoons, video games, kid shows, senior citizen shows, produce, write do radio, etc.
Who are some of your comedic peers that you enjoy watching perform or inspire you personally and professionally:
I worked with Tiffany Haddish writing on a stage play for David E. Talbert in my 20s. David said, “Hey I got this Cali chick same age as you on the cast, y’all remind me of each other.” 15 years later, I was an extra doing background work on Girls Trip starring Tiffany, Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett Smith & Regina Hall.
I love her energy, I love that I’ve gotten to watch her rise, grind, and conquer. I’ve known Lil Rel since his youtube days and been a fan since 2006. So, it’s been an honor and privilege to see folks I’ve known for years make it. Lets me know I’m on the right path. I’m also proud of my comedy brothers Rallo Boykins & Seaton Smith.
What’s been your most memorable moment in comedy:
WOW! My MOST memorable moment in comedy other than the worst time I bombed on the Tom Joyner Cruise 5 months into comedy? (Laughs) Probably when I spent 8hrs in The Comedy Cellar going through all of Dave Chappelle’s material for his first Netflix special. I told him “Pat The Pussy” when he mentioned “Grab’em by the Pussy” and it MADE THE SPECIAL. I hadn’t seen him in 9 years and Dave told me my whole name along with mentioning he knew my family in San Francisco and I almost cried.
What have you learned most from your failures in comedy:
My failures in comedy have helped me become a better person in life. Your timing has to be on point, starting with BEING ON TIME! being early always puts you on the winning side. That way you get to either greet the incoming audience, take notes, and sometimes you might get bumped up or even paid/more because someone else didn’t show up or make it in time to do their assigned/set/stage time. I have also learned to stick to your material, but every show is different. Every joke won’t work everywhere. I have learned when and how to ask the audience questions and don’t quit. I have also gotten to the point where I give 3 people in the audience the same show I will give 300.
How do people react towards you when they realize that you can make people laugh:
Once people realize I can make them laugh, some people don’t see me as a sexual threat, well at least I hope so, once I get the 1st laugh out of them. I’m looked at as a sister, cousin/auntie, or seen as sexier to men sometimes…..SMH! (Laughs).
I usually dress down on stage or don’t wear heels/makeup etc because some insecure women automatically take offense to me due to my looks? Smh
Describe what it’s been like building a career in stand-up comedy:
This is definitely a daily grind. You will grow tough skin. You can not cheat at this stage of your career. Experience is the best teacher when it comes to comedy. Traveling is a MUST to be a great comedian. No crowd, no audience, and no show are the same. You have to prove you’re “Funny” on each and every show. You have to become your own writer/producer/manager/publicist/cheerleader and always have a good reputation with club owners/managers/bookers. Not to mention find people who are not jealous of you or trying to use you to better their comedy career. Getting on TV is the goal. Helps you get booked nationwide and better pay.
If you could change one thing in the world of comedy, what would it be:
If I could change one thing in the world of comedy, I would change how male-driven it has been. The boys club is OVER! Women are proving themselves and finally getting a chance. Cute lesbians are killing it in comedy right now. You can be a woman and not act like a lady anymore. Plus, men are doing gay-friendly jokes to despise homophobia so it’s definitely a different time in comedy right now. Also, ANYone on Instagram can call themselves a comedian by doing funny skits/podcasts becoming viral/overnight sensation. You must remember, 30 seconds of funny on social media, does not mean you’re an hour headliner at Caroline’s funny. A certain number of followers will get you booked at major clubs now too, so the game has totally changed. Before, whoever got their joke on TV first won. NOW! whoever makes a meme, skits about the joke wins. Joke-stealing is more prevalent now than ever.
Best advice you’ve ever received from a comedian:
Sinbad told me, “Get on stage, stop writing for others making them funnier & richer. Tell your own jokes & get paid 100% money instead of 10% money.”
Charlie Murphy told me, “Whatever you do, make it to that stage, can’t stop won’t stop. You’ll be doing arenas like me one day.”
Rodney Perry told me, “Even if you go blank just stand up there and do your time. You’ll be surprised at what people think is funny. Never Quit!”
Tony Woods told me, ”Tell people you’re my daughter as I do, that way you won’t get f*cked!” (Thankful for protection on the road)
Black Thought/Tarik Trotter (The Roots Crew on the Jimmy Fallon Show) told me, “Please don’t ever use that word, it would break my heart if you ever killed yourself. You gotta keep going Sis!” (While fighting depression when deaths in my family were back to back for 3 years in a row!)
Tiffany Haddish told me when I told her about my butterflies/bad stomach before I perform. “I be scared at first too! That’s why I dance & shake it off a little and try to get them to have fun w/ me 1st, then I start!”
Chris Spencer told me to “Perform the material on stage that will get you a TV sitcom! You’re too smart for dick jokes!”
Funniest encounter you’ve ever had with a celebrity:
When I went to The Comedy Cellar one night to support my college classmate Seaton Smith who was hosting that night. Went to the last show 11 pm and it was already 1 am when they announced a special guest… Dave Chappelle. His act turns into him trying to beat the audience, where he will perform until the last person in the audience leaves the venue. Now it’s 3 am & we are yelling questions to him on stage. Every time I asked a question he looked up to see who it was, but couldn’t see me since I was in the back in the dark. He kept saying either good question or would laugh, by the time it was 6:30 am, my ride had to leave to pick kids up for school (Laughs) so I walk up towards him and he says, “You can’t leave, wait I know you!, you’re Cristina Payne, I’ve met your family!” I was like “Wow! Don’t make me cry, I haven’t seen you in years.” We hugged and had a moment. It was at that moment, I felt like I really mattered. Dave Chappelle remembers ME! OMG Mind Blown! It’s literally been 9 whole years since the last time I saw him in person & he took a joke I did for him in the cellar that night and used it on his 1st Netflix special ever! “Pat the Pussy”
2. Kevin Hart met his wife Eniko at the last afterparty I booked for him in Washington D.C.
3.. Chris Webber (NBA) player tried to get at me when I was 12yrs old in the 8th grade (I’m still the same size/height now) and when he was a rookie & I was 20 years old, I lied & said I was 16yrs old (Laughs). He said, “Oh wow you too young!” SMH! at least he had morals.
Weirdest place you’ve ever performed any form of comedy:
The weirdest place I’ve done comedy is in a crackhouse. Well, it was a place above a liquor store in SE DC and it felt like Marion Barry’s spirit was haunting it. You could still see remnants of dusty crack particles all around. The room we were in was I guess the living room?
Another weird place I’ve performed was performing “Survival Comedy” in jail. I kept everyone in Central Booking laughing including the inmates & officers. They knew I wasn’t supposed to be there and I ended up getting out early with the charges dropped.
A Cristina Payne Fun Fact:
I’m real gassy in the mornings. I sound like my dad when I pass gas. An old angry/half vegan still playing ball after 70-year-old black man. I look like my mom, but I got my daddy’s feet. Super long toes! I can hang upside down from a tree branch.
Also, I was in Sports Illustrated for kids in 1991 for running track. The Billy Hutton track club and won junior Olympics in both relays 4×100 & 4×400 at nationals held at UNC that year.
Where would you like your laughs to take you:
My ultimate goals for my comedy career are to become an Author/NY Bestsellers List and Star in the movies made from these books & work with other awesome comedic & dramatic directors & actors. I want to start an after-school program like The Boys & Girls Club, but a more updated/interactive/fun practical learning center open 24hrs daily, Learning never stops & neither does raising up the youth. I have a Master’s in Social Work from Howard University, Oprah was my commencement speaker & she gave me the best advice that day. Most recently in 2019, I did some events with Tiffany Haddish’s She Ready Foundation & her foster kids in Los Angeles, CA.
What would you tell a potential comedian if they ask you how they can own the laughs:
If a potential comedian asked me how they can “Own The Laughs” I would tell them please be your true authentic self. Don’t steal or copy other people’s jokes. Make funny friends and hang around with other funny people. Write daily and especially when anything funny comes to you.
If they’re brand new, I’d tell them to work on 2-4 min sets because eventually, you can put it all together for a strong 8-10mins.
Write Clean, but Talk & Think Dirty!
Write about the funny in your life as if it would be a hit sitcom.
What are your thoughts on the future of comedy:
My thoughts on the future of comedy post-COVID are a lot more Zoom shows and a lot more public in the park, or pop-up/drive-in shows. The internet is the new TV, so with social media, you can always post your jokes/questions of the day, funny pics/skits, etc. Now is the time to Monetize off the Internet & Views/ Likes/Subscriptions/Followers.
Every Comedian must have their own website they can control,.. in case FB, Youtube or IG, etc ever gets shut down or don’t like something you post or put you in social media jail. I’ve been taught not to depend on the internet.
If you could write one episode for one classic TV sitcom which show would be and give a brief detailed sentence on the episode:
I loved the Cosby Show growing up and I remembered when Rudy got her period and didn’t want to have a “Woman’s Day” (Laughs). My mom rolled her eyes at me and said don’t use tampons, they’re not for virgins!” WTF?! (Laughs) Because this show was so influential for me going to Howard University I would want to write an episode where The show continued and showed Rudy going away to college at Howard (in real life she went to Spelman College in Atlanta & pledged Delta Theta Sigma.)
If you could choose 1 comedy club and 3 comedians to perform with on your perfect comedy show, how would it go:
The Comedy Store on Sunset Main Room with Smokey Squarez from NYC hosting, Tiffany Haddish would open up with a funny story, I would be the feature (Killin’ It), Dave Chappelle would headline and “beat the audience” doing a 4-5hr set.
What next for you:
*Recording a sitcom & film in 2021.
*New book coming out 2021 #JustSayNoToDick “Letters To My Younger Vagina.” (Laughs)
Why should a person always laugh at life:
You should always laugh at life because Life is unpredictable. Find the funny in any and every situation and you’ll never kill yourself. Someone is always in the worst position than you, so smile, laugh, burn calories, and look younger using your laughing muscles. Laughing and going to comedy shows nightly after my mom passed away helped me from depression and suicide.
Watch Cristina Payne at Crack’em Up Thursdays inside The Comedy Store in Los Angeles, CA:
Follow Cristina Payne on all forms of social media:
Instagram: @Cristina__Payne Twitter: @CRISTINAEDPAYNE
Snapchat: @CPayneShow Tik-Tok: CristinaPayne
